Let’s backtrack to how I met David and how I am sure it is of God; roughly two weeks before meeting David online, I had decided to hand things over to the Lord; a week later, Charlie, the guy from my past, had decided to bounce out of my life. I’m not going to lie. It stung a bit, but it is what I asked God to do, to take what wasn’t meant for me out of my life. And after that, I just held up my arms to the heavens and said here is my life; I keep doing what I shouldn’t; I make poor choices ALL THE TIME; do what you want with it. A few days later, I no longer felt hatred in my heart; I felt secure in who I was; I felt comfort learning about the Lord, and I had standards that I was speaking up about with the options and choices in men I was being presented. And then I matched with David, and not going to lie, I went back and forth on swiping right, and I am thankful that I did! He is the man of any woman’s dreams, and his voice OHHHH HIS VOICE! It does things to me; talking to him for four hours feels like a breadcrumb to the loaf; it’s a sliver of time that makes me crave more! He always says he is glad I live 4.5 hours away because this would be harder if I were closer. And I agree!
After we made it past the scary, let’s be friends phase, which didn’t last long; in fact, I believe less than 48 hours later, David told me he was fighting, holding back on saying the L word. I, too, was struggling; it felt as if we had known each other for ages. The following 5 days, We talked and talked and FaceTimed, and that first week just felt… amazing! I felt like I was already tied to him and had been for a long time; I also felt I was being pulled towards Jesus. I wanted to know him more, have a closer relationship with him, love him more, understand him, and DO MORE! I had never had this pull to the Lord and this desire to be an even better version of myself, to live my life for GOD. It was insane how this man could make me feel like the Christian woman I always envisioned I couldn’t be. I wanted to dress less, dare I say slutty; I deleted my risqué photos on Instagram, and I no longer longed to be seen as sexy but to be seen as wholesome, and when we talked about wanting to wait till marriage, he had me swooning. Deep down, that was always a wish to wait for Love and marriage, I was planning on waiting, but my first time was rape, and after that, I went down a dark hole of what does it matter? That’s way off-topic! Especially since David is nowhere close to any man from my past.
David always makes me feel safe and wanted and cherished and honored. YES, LADIES HONORED! Around February 24th, David called me and brought up that he was worried that since he felt very strongly about me, he may start putting me before God. If this were to happen, he would need to do a 2 week fast from myself and all social media and go silent. He would need to do a hard reset and ensure his first Love was God and his second was me. We hadn’t said that big L word yet; we both were thinking but waiting. But I told David that I would have to fight off abandonment issues if he did that, but I would respect his wishes.
Honestly, I didn’t like it; I was respectfully going to go along, but deep down, there was a little hurt about it. He reassured me it wasn’t because he wanted to get away from me, but he needed to be centered on the Lord and the hierarchy of how things go, which has become the backing of our future together. GOD, Spouse, Children, Close family, Friends, church, etc. So, he needed to put God first. He had coffee with his friend Steven, and Steven encouraged him to do the 2 week fasting based on how he felt about me. So I went from I don’t like this to here we go. But when he told me I felt this strength, I thought we could do it! I wasn’t fearful about the outcome. I knew that I would read the word, and by doing so, I would become closer to God and strengthen my faith in us. I suggested that we write each other letters, we wouldn’t talk to each other, we wouldn’t see each other on social media, and we would be silent for 14 days. We ended the call by setting dates on our phones and sending each other our mailing addresses to mail the letters about day 10 in hopes that we would get them by day 14 and be able to read our letters before we spoke to each other again. Going into ghost mode with someone I felt so strongly about sounds scary. My past is filled with being cheated on, abandoned, ghosted left and right, even by a 3-month-long relationship, just poof gone, and this man who I wanted to be my final dating story I was going to go silent and not speak to him for 2 weeks and hope for the best. But I had this courage deep down in my gut that we had this; we would come out stronger.
I wrote 2-3 pages daily for roughly 10 days. That man had 36 pages to read from me, and I don’t regret it one bit! I read 3 to 4 chapters from the bible each day, journaled, wrote my letters, prayed regularly throughout the day, and prayed whenever there was doubt or worry. I can say that although It wasn’t fun not talking to my person, I was a cool cucumber through it; I had this strength as I leaned on God, and my Love for this person I spoke to for a week grew and grew. Still, to this date, we haven’t even been together for 2 months, but if you ask me many times, I think we have been together for 3-5 months. It’s like time doesn’t exist between us. On day 10 or so, David’s sister Makala messaged me. We had been chatting because this handsome man sent me a book in the midst of fasting from eachother. He was enjoying it and thought maybe I would too, and I asked her if he sent it because, well, odd, who sent me this book? Haha. I love books, so it was the perfect gift. Still, she said he wanted to end the fasting by meeting in person, so I arranged it with her that it would happen, and then before we met, David had to get some fears off his chest and had some questions for me. We did indeed end our fasting a day early, and we met in person. That will be for another post, though!
To swing back to the previous hallmark movie, after I had met this handsome, thoughtful, honorable man, I finally got my friend to open up about her silence and her relationship, and sadly, she was in a place where she didn’t know where to go anymore. The perfect hallmark story had its bumps, and we were waiting to see where those bumps lead; she was living in this state of wondering what to do, how to say it, and if it was right. Deep down, I know what that is like. Before I held my hands up and said here it is, God… a good 17 years of making poor choices and picking for the most part…. Horrible men, I hand my heart and soul to you to do as you please to find him where you will, to guide me to where I am meant to be… And I wholeheartedly believe that it is David…